Home » Governance » Bar Talk – of Junkets Gone Awry and Useful Maniacs [column]

We have always been meaning to find some time to really pore over the Constitution but somehow between the stress to find money andthe rush to spend it, we have just never found the time. You know how we like to sit around and complain that things are not moving while we down a couple of shots of the best.

After all, like every other Zimbabwean we are victims of this much vaunted literacy which allows us to religiously believe that we are entitled to the fancy lifestyles of Hollywood A-list stars, conveniently forgetting that we are not there, but here.

But that is another story, so let us return to the constitutional matters. We will have to hire some legal minds to educate us on some important points. Right now we would like to know if Tatenda Munhu is allowed to pass a vote of no confidence to nullify an earlier vote on grounds of misrepresentation of facts.

Yes, we are talking about the stranded legislators and how we would like to revoke our vote. During the campaign period they promised that they would lead the country responsibly.

But honestly, if someone cannot successfully manage a shopping trip then how can we trust them to lead and guide the nation?

And while they are busy flying off to shop till they drop from the flight passenger list, who is ensuring that Zimbabwe industries arise once again? How does this shopping spree fit into the goals of Zim-Asset or any other nation building initiative?

Rags are still us

Please note that this is the fifth day of the last half of the year. Which means that the cup of days now is less than half-full or less than half empty, whichever way you look at it. And we are still in our tattered old robes as we await the-oil-that-will-banish-rags.

We are still waiting for the cheating spouses to confess before H-Metro exposes them and for the roving eyes of our lovers to be blinded to all other potential mates except ourselves. We would really appreciate the peace of mind that would come with knowing that while we throw back the usual order at the usual place, the spouses are not giving it to the pastor, the gardener, school kid, neighbour and any other comer.

And with the promised awakening of the dead, we are ready to go and join the fellow citizens in Hopley who have decided to appropriate graveyard land for the living since the dead will soon rejoin us. We have already staked claims and we are anxiously awaiting the great awakenings.

Last year we foolishly gave up precious hours at the usual place as we anxiously hovered in the streets in the hope of glimpsing some of the promised gold, diamonds and cash that would miraculously appear therein before the year was out.

Our luck let us down and if any of our kith and kin may have stumbled on such a hoard, they have not cared to share the good news with us. So we sincerely hope that this will not be another year of unfulfilled desires.

Holiday offer for Suarez

We would like to get into talks with ZTA to invite Suarez for a free holiday while he serves his match ban. We are sure that the tourism figures will skyrocket as everyone on the continent and beyond lines up and pays top dollar to see the itchy teeth.

But if that should fail spectacularly, as have done many the other much vaunted grandiose tourism boosting plans that we have seen over the past few years, then we can always find another use for the fellow during his stay.

People could flock while one of our myriads of prophets and prophetesses takes up the challenge of casting out the demons that obviously bedevil the poor man.

Or we could get him to go head-to-head with holy-stick wielding mapostori one at a time as he would never stand a chance against the mob, or we could set him on legislators who sleep in parliament, or we could hire him out to escort commuter omnibuses through the unending toll gates that never seem to get rid of ramshackle vehicles and unlicensed drivers, or we could … , fill that space with whatever makes you tick, the only limit is your own sick mind, dear regulars.

Put bricks where your mouth is, sir

He said women should stop using contraceptives religiously so that we urgently augment-apologies, that should read suppress, levels of poverty in the country. And straight from his mouth, the word hit the ear of the being upstairs.

Within a few weeks of each other, two women each gave birth to quads. But now we hear that in spite of well-wishers coming forth with transient help in the form of food and clothing, the permanent headache continues for the Harare barely-post teen who is now a mother of five.

There is definitely a big problem if a woman finds better succour in a public hospital than in her own room, no matter how dingy and tiny it may be. And how long is the hospital going to deny that premium space to women who desperately need it to give birth while they accommodate one who no longer needs their wonderful service?

We would like to urge the go-forth-and-multiply gentleman to step forward and demonstrate how our economy has benefited from this sad story.

He could put a brick where his mouth is and offer to build a basic two-roomed structure for this family in Epworth.

Or if he lacks the wherewithal to bestow such largesse, he could at least have shown his sincerity in caring for the new citizens by dispatching a team to issue identity documents to these four additions at the hospital.

At least he would save this poor couple the headache of the logistics of spending the whole day in a queue to register those four names which we shall not say much about.

Surely even dedicated drinkers like us can understand the magnitude of the problem in coming up with four names at one go when most couples struggle with even one.

Meanwhile, let us not forget the Chiredzi woman who is conveniently out of sight and out of mind, by virtue of being so far from Zimbabwe, sorry, meant Harare.

We may be wrong but could it be that the gentleman only wants to see numbers that satisfy some atavistic instinct without giving a fig for how these multitudes will survive?

Till next week, bottoms up!

Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: brageesbar@gmail.com

Source : The Herald