Home » Governance » Ignore Malicious Distortions, Cdes [column]

Ignore malicious distortions Cdes. I never said AmaKalanga are uneducated, neither did I say they are thieves

Dear Cabinet and Politburo members

COMRADES, after embarrassing themselves while I successfully hosted an Extraordinary Southern African Development Community Summit here in Harare, our detractors realised that they had hopelessly failed in their agenda to discredit my impeccable leadership qualities and started to deliberately, and maliciously, quote me out of context… thankfully with no success.

How could they twist and distort my clearly-worded message–part of it delivered in Shona because I know that English is not the gest point for many of them — to end up with the lying propaganda that I had insulted AmaKalanga people from some parts of our country? I never said AmaKalanga are uneducated, neither did I say they are thieves –anyone who disputes that can look for video and audio recordings of that media briefing to view and listen over and over.

They can fabricate whatever they want against my person but the truth of the matter is that the people know me better and therefore all their efforts will come to nothing.

Anyway, I am happy that while our detractors are busy wasting their time, progress is taking place. I am told Cde Mandi has already started implementing orders from the people to the effect that that renegade Didymus fellow be shown what it means to offend the sun. It’s good that the first one of his many farms has already been repossessed. That is why I once aptly described him as a “straying grey ass and a fool” because that is exactly what he is… surely how could he make disparaging remarks against the land reform which for many years he presided over himself… in the process giving himself, his many, many wives and concubines and other hangers-on virtually all the most productive of the farms? I am told something similar is also happening to his nephew’s farm in Mashonaland West… and as well as to others in Mashonaland East… even that farm in Beatrice won’t be spared if its tenants dare challenging the people’s authority.

They can start their own land reform when a miracle happens and their People First project becomes the ruling party in this country.

Meanwhile, they can go ahead and day dream!

Kindest Regards

Yours Sincerely




One of the reasons why Dr CZ dismissed himself from the ruling party is that he never wanted to be associated with allegations that the party thrives on extortionist tendencies. You and me know this is not, and has never been, true. Which is why Dr CZ was not impressed when the party’s new secretary for administration Cde Ignatius Chombo appeared to extract a “donation” of 2 000 litres of fuel from Mutare businessman and soon-to-be Chikanga-Dangamvura legislator, Cde Esau Mupfumi, as “punishment” for what the party mandarin saw as wayward behaviour by the aspiring lawmaker.

In the 2013 harmonised elections, Mupfumi lost to then MDC-T’s Arnold Tsunga in the Chikanga-Dangamvura constituency of Mutare urban. In the run-up to that particular election, he had “donated” an ambulance to the Mutare City Council, but after suffering an embarrassing pratfall he grabbed his “gift” back.

Now that he is campaigning for the June 10 by-election, he has re-donated that ambulance to the people of Mutare again.

This is what made Chombo livid: “… but all the same what you did was not right, you don’t buy someone gifts when you are in love with them and demand it back when you fall out. It’s good that you are returning the ambulance but we also want 2 000 litres of fuel as your punishment.

“You need to be very careful with the urban voter. They are not fools. We should show that we respect them.”

Who told Chombo that Mupfumi has (re)donated the ambulance and will be “donating” the fuel out of his own goodwill when he has already shown that he has a flint where his heart is supposed to be? This is extortion!

So far…

When Dr CZ was studying for his Aanced PhD degree in life studies from the prestigious General Delivery University, Tucson, Baja-Arizona, United States of America he was taught that there are three creatures that are known especially for prominently celebrating the misfortunes of others: lawyers, vultures and maggots… because the misfortunes of others richly batten them. Journalists — the self-styled members of the Fourth Estate — might soon find it irresistible to sneak into this bracket because — naturally — other people’s misfortunes make juicy writing (possibly reading too) moreso if one is a career newspaper gossip columnist. Besides, did George Orwell — himself a journo of repute — not conclude that journalism is that which someone doesn’t want written about, otherwise the rest is just public relations?

So as much as Dr CZ might not want to appear “decent” he cannot help but laugh, laugh, laugh and laugh more at this Harare couple of Upenyu and Blessing Mashangwa who are suing Prophetic, Healing and Deliverance (PHD) Ministries owner, Walter Magaya, for allegedly fleecing them generously in both cash and kind in an airline blessing deal, the bargain of which the “man of God” allegedly never bothered to keep.

The deal was very simple: Because God works in so wonderful ways, all the Mashangwas had to do was to pamper Magaya with gifts… expensive cars and cash, and Bob’s is your uncle… they would wake up one day having an international airline of their own… even partnering Emirates Airline, among other such wondrous blessings.

The Mashangwas, who are suing for US$2 million in total, swear that when they started pestering Magaya to deliver on his “prophesy” some State security goons started harassing them.

Now can anyone show cause why Dr CZ should not laugh?

Currently, another “prophet”, Eubert Angel, is holed up in England, fleeing from similar charges from a man who gave up his top-of-the range car– a Bentley convertible — in exchange for a non-delivered blessing.

And there have been lots of cases of this nature in which supposedly enlightened men and women continue to fall prey to some of these tricks… that is if they would have been conned in the first place. Well, since these are cases before the courts, we wait to see… before we resume laughing, whatever the outcome!

Still on this airline blessing “prophesy” one Zimbo had this to say: “Surely if one is a clever person, discounting the fact that they are a “well to do” businessperson, a prophesy that “you would own an airline” especially at a time when airlines the world over — the best that is — post meagre profits and those in your region are insolvent, should not even make you smile it’s a way to say you are destined for poverty. But strange enough one guy bought Prophet Magaya a Discovery 4, showered gifts and cash to see the prophesy come true. Blari Mampara!”


As a super patriot, Dr CZ reserves his right to get angry when someone says or does something unpatriotic against this country and its able leadership.

As a result, Yours Truly was miffed this week when one citizen answering to the name of ‘Honest Rwodzi’, wrote the following disparaging comments on the social media: “Hon. Walter Mzembi (pictured below) you are the Tourism Minister, Cde Andrew Langa you are the Arts and Culture boss. My concern is why are you letting our country embarrassed like this. I have just left Crowne Plaza (hotel) and what I have just witnessed has left my heart bleeding. How on earth do we expose our Harare International Festival of the Arts (HIFA) delegates to vendors and beggars of this nation. Beggars are right at the entrance of Crowne Plaza asking for something from every HIFA delegate who is not black. This is bad for our tourism. Bad for the image of Zimbabwe. Tiitireiwo zviri nani macomrades!”

Is this the kind of aice to give Cabinet ministers — enlightened men and women who are in their jobs because they are the best in this country? Nxa-a! It seems like what this chap does not know is that those vendors are not just an integral part of the Zim-Asset programme in as far as the 2,2 million jobs that were threatened are concerned, but are also key tourist attractions in their own right. The truth is that many of those foreigners who visited HIFA this year did so because of the enhanced attractiveness of Harare (also known as the Sunshine City) resulting from those of our people who know how to enjoy the fruits of the liberation struggle by upgrading vending and begging into fine arts. #1980sofarsogood


Source : Financial Gazette