Home » General » Love Yourself First Before Giving It Out [column]

Every week I get emails from men and women complaining about how their partners do not love them enough.

The writers seem convinced that they give a lot more love than they receive.

None of them is interested in strengthening the project of loving themselves first. Being loved is special, but it should never excuse you from the very vital act of loving yourself before you throw yourself at a potential partner.

You should never be dependent on the love of a man or woman to be completely happy. Finding yourself first and interrogating that which engages your happy senses can do wonders for your confidence. Freedom of emotion and passion are important confidence building blocks.

Sometimes we sell ourselves short because we are quick to give up on our dreams and the things that really matter on a personal level. We try hard to please other people at our own expense. We chase shadows and fail to realise that love of self comes from within.

A relationship with yourself is more fulfilling if you make a conscious effort to make the time for it.

If you feel you are not getting the love you deserve, then you need to get your power back. Stop setting yourself up for emotional failure.

Take an honest look at what you are getting in return for your commitment and unrequited love. There is no law under the sun that demands that you put yourself through emotional trauma just so you can be loved.

If the object of your love has a brick box where his of her heart should be, then do yourself a favourwalk away. Moving on is a very powerful tool.

I never understand why some people are so averse to emotional freedom — it is such a wonderful thing. Set yourself free. Getting out of a hopeless situation can do amazing things for your confidence and also release you from being chained to someone in a different emotional time zone.

Love is complicated. It is not always easy for two people to feel exactly the same way about each other. Sometimes one person loves more than the other and that is painful, but perfectly normal.

The important thing is to get a handle on how to deal with such a scenario.

You cannot browbeat someone into feeling what they do not feel. It is futile to live in the hope that someone who is not that into you will one day feel differently.

The moment you start feeling that you are not getting a good return on your investment, you should be brave enough to move on.

Some of the readers who complain about not being loved enough want aice from me about how to get their lovers to change. My aice is that you should summon the courage to take charge of your own happiness. Do not outsource your emotional stability and fulfilment to someone who is not fully engaged.

I have said it several times, that trying to change someone is a waste of very good time — time you should use to focus on potential suitors who might actually deserve you.

Stop over-thinking things. Take charge of your life and know that you owe it to yourself to be in a space that feels comfortable. The longer you cling to a dark situation, the longer you deny yourself the opportunity to meet a more exciting possible partner.

Many men and women in untenable situations tend to blame themselves for how their partners feel or do not feel. It should never be your call to force-feed anyone warm or loving feelings. Sometimes it is actually black and white and no grey areas — the feeling is not mutual!

If your dream is to have a happy relationship, then start by working on loving yourself enough, not to be in an unloving union. The important thing is to understand that even when you find you are not a perfect fit, this does not mean that your choice was a mistake.

Look at every decision you have made in life as a step towards personal growth. In all relationships there are learning experiences to be gained. Regret is never a fruitful journey for many a mile has been lost in the wilderness of self-recrimination.

Do not hold onto regret. You cannot change that which is not within your power. You can however change who you want to be and how you want to feel about yourself and your whole life.

You hold the keys to your heart and you should give them to someone who appreciates their value.

Every challenge we experience presents an important chance to unlock the chains that hold us back from realising our full potential. Never allow setbacks to knock you down. Trust yourself more and take every opportunity to nurture self-love.

Self-love is not about being selfish. It is the ability to acknowledge the positive things about yourself. This is also about loving your quirks, your body, your mind and appreciating the sum total of who you are. Self-love is also about being kind to yourself and others, respecting yourself and others and embracing your imperfections.

Let go of poisonous people and feelings. Love as hard as you can but love yourself more. I wish you peace, love and true friendship.

Grace Mutandwa is a Media Consultant, and published Author. She can be reached at:taffy875@gmail.com@GraceMutandwa1Skype:Wisteria42

Source : Zimbabwe Standard