Home » Governance » Of Stolen Glory, Stripped Dwarfs and Seeding Folly [column]

We have never made it a secret that we are a vindictive lot and find much pleasure in the fall of those who think they are better than the rest of us when chance is the only thing that separates them from us, mere chance.

The former bigwigs who are now just despised and demeaned dwarfs deserve everything coming their way.

We sincerely hope that they will not be allowed to sit back in comfort as they bitterly condemn their prophets and n’angas for letting them down. No, that is not enough for all the exes. We are vituperative in our condemnation as we remember how these people used to knock back that expensive whisky while we made do with that poison that is so cheap that it comes in plastic packaging. And we believe that for such human flotsam there is no better time to give them a mighty kick as when they are supine on a hard surface. So now they have been shoved off the gravy train, what better moment to strip them off everything? Yes, we want all those farms that they have been using for experimenting on what happens to Mother Nature when you leave her alone for several years, those idle pieces of land where elephant grass has never heard it so good and is growing taller than the hovels of their unpaid workforce.

Any little thing that they ever got from the people must be paid back, including personal gadgets. Yes, unlike the ill-famed Shylock we want it all including the very last drop of blood we can wring out. After all that is what they have been doing to us all these years sucking out the very last drop of our sweat and only giving us frustration and anger in return.

Unmask the rest

In the same vein we also want the remaining wolves cowering in sheep’s fleece to be shorn of that cover and get the same treatment that their co-conspirators are getting. Let us cure the whole lot so we can get rid of the disease for once and for all. Yes, there are still a couple of survivors whose names have become synonymous with corruption and little us do not think that they should be spared just because they appear to be singing from the right page of the hymn book. We warn you that sooner or later they will start slaughtering the lambs if they are left in the fold. As usual, mark our words.

Double nil for the women

Now all regulars know that at the usual place we do not have much truck with those organisations that claim to speak on behalf of those that they label the wretched of the earth. We especially find much humour in most of those calling themselves the bastions of the women’s movement.

Like how they have allowed one woman who always says nothing in many words to be their de facto leader and go all over the place bringing the good name of women into disrepute. But there are a few members of this movement that we really love because when they speak, you better be ready with the body armour because even from the hip, they shoot true and straight. Forgive the rambling, but I simply wanted you to know why we perfectly agree with the inimitable Everjoice Win when she says the women’s movement should not cry about the appointment of two male VPs calling it regression and a blow for their empowerment insofar as the uterus and a bust never created a sister out of a Homo sapiens individual, contrary to what these women so dearly wish to believe.

In other words, what did the female VP ever do for the women except rub them the wrong way by teaching them to only talk about their philandering and problem husbands when those husbands are dead?

One born every minute

We are calling on all drinkers to buy us a round as a way of seeding more drinks. We promise that within three weeks you will get all the drinks that you ever bought us back ten-fold.

If that does not happen you can follow the sewer pipe to get back the drinks that you bought for us. Does this sound as stupid to you as it really is? Surely, there is one born every minute, otherwise prosperity gospel would not even be a thorny issue.

Only a fool would think that giving up something that you have worked for will result in miraculous returns that you have not sweated for. We once heard some proponent of this thievery proclaim on radio that the opposite of prosperity gospel is poverty gospel and the presenter was obviously flummoxed and could be heard scratching her scalp as she tried to reach the tiny mass of grey matter in the cavern of her skull and she came up with no suitable reply. If that greedy fellow had tried to pull such a trick we would have told him that prosperity gospel has nothing to do with God, but everything to do with the church leader’s own pocket. If God gives back three-fold why do the pastors rely on offerings? Surely, they can simply give everything to God every day and get it back three times over.

We hear that the other rock star preacher once brazenly told the people in his church that he was preaching for the money in their pockets. And it is not a new trick by any means. Check the history and you will find that the wily experts have been there and done that long before as they sold penances and other stuff like that.

Gallery of Rogues

“No Your Honour. I did not know that taking something that belongs to someone else is theft. I simply thought that the fact that I did not know the owner meant that I could make it mine.

“Even though I found it in a copyrighted production I did not know that the owner had made legal claim to being the originator.” This is how we imagine Jah Prayzah’s defence in court will go.

Lame, right? But to his credit he is not the first thief to take aantage of relative obscurity to cash in on a foreigner’s sweat. Remember Mercy Mutsvene and how she flew the music scene for a while after Rebecca Malope said she would like to meet her? And then those one-song wonders from Gweru who called themselves the Thornhill Brothers?

For that one wonder they blatantly stole the theme song from the TV series “El Dorado”. Then there was that marked similarity between Sulumani Chimbetu’s “Kata” and Les Wenyika’s “Kajituliza Kasuku”. Urban grooves group Slice’s “Ndiwe Wandinoda” sounds suspiciously like The Back Street Boys’ “I Want it that Way”. The list is endless but we hope that this is coming to an end. Batai vanhu!

Till next week, bottoms up!

Source : The Herald